Quality time!

So my GF is out of town so I had some quality time with her almost 11 year old son (AKA sunny boy). He didn't want to go bowling or to a movie so we just came home and played catch! My sister has my mitt so I used one of his! Turns out all of my catching ability was due to my mitt. So the 80% of the throws flew right by my head and the other 20% I stopped with various parts of my body lol. I did catch one of has fast balls with my hand... HOWEVER it was the hand without the mitt on it OUCHY!! He got a good laugh out of it so its all good lol. Anyway you can get it quality time with the kids in your life is wonderful!

Quickie

So I just nee to vent a bit! I am a massage therapy student and just need everyone to know!! Shower Before you come.. Do not come right after the gym! Just because you can't smell yourself doesn't mean We cant smell you!!! So far today I have had 2 great Apt's. One big guy around 50 good muscle did a deep tissue work. Next was my friend Janni She is super cute and was way nice but last Friday i had some not very Hygienic people!!! PLEASE SHOWER LOL

nature of the beast

I feel so crazy the last few days. Floods of emotion crashing around me several times an hour. I hate feeling like this. Depression is a dangerous thing if you let it consume you. Most of the time I am very good at pulling myself out of the darkness but the last few days have been hard to do that. I have felt uneasy this is usually the time I call mama. I have been trying to use my support system but I don't know how to explain what I feel. Mama always just knew what I needed to hear. It was like a peep talk I guess but she was just so good at it. The good news is that I'm pretty sure most of what I have felt to last few day is very much related to my monthly surge in hormones lol. Thank god its almost over.!! I should be back to myself tomorrow for sure. Thanks to Monica for putting up with me the last few days lol and as always thanks to my girlfriend for dealing with a crazy lady a few days a month.

My girls

I would just like to thank all the amazing females in my life.
Starting with my sisters Kaysie and Carly. I don't know how I would get through my life without you guys. The bond we share is deep and unbreakable. You are my best friends and my favorite party buddies. I love to laugh with you, cry with you, and just be around you. I love you both with all me heart.

Now on to the other love of my life. My girlfriend is so incredible. You make me so happy. Our life together is more than I could have ever dreamt of. I feel so much love from you and sunny boy. There isn't a minute that goes but that I don't feel thankful for your love. You make me smile. I feel so safe and secure with you. Thank you for everything. I love you so much! You are my world! MUAH

Fleeting Emotions

I am fine. I am good. These are the words that come flying out of my mouth everyday. Wake up push it away. Compress the pain. I put on a mask and start the show. Then it creeps up. The pain the reality that she is gone! I think "oh my god how could this be real". I push it down the wave of sadness is gone again but for how long. Every thing I think and feel is temporary.Happiness,anger,sadness come on fast and leave in a flash. I feel lost and floaty like I'm always confused. I don't remember who I am. Who I am was always so wrapped up in her! My sisters and I keep saying we feel broken. I guess that the only way to describe our selves after our world was shattered.
I miss you so much mama I love you!

Personal leave

It was suggested to me by my bosses that I should take some personal time to get my head right. At first I was pissed and insulted. Look people it wasn't my pet fish that died its my MOM!! The most important number one person in my life. She was my best friend and my one true confidante know body knew my like she did and I can never replace that relationship in my life! BUT then I thought about taking a whole month off. Get healthy concentrate on school, get my head right!! I really need to deal with the mama stuff. So I guess as it turns out my bosses were right. One of my bosses said something really smart to me. She said "You need to get use to your new life." Shes right it will never be the same.

Mama Though: Mama would think.... I think she would be glad that I am able to take this time. She would probably be stressing out about what it means that I need this kind of time.
Love you Mama promise to make you proud soon!

Oprah dream

So I just woke up and its kind of become a habit to lay still and try to remember my dream just in case any of it was about my mama! ( I love seeing mama in my dreams. It is amazingly comforting just to know her image is still in my Brain :) ). Anyway as I recalled my dream today I felt the urge to share it because I think I am insane.
In my dream I was Oprah's chef. Her last one got fired because she got fat again lol. It was my job to monitor what she ate and cook her meals. The bitch kept sneaking food and having it flown in from everywhere. I was running all over this huge house looking in closets only to find a BBQ sauce covered Oprah hiding under fur coats. ( My girlfriend would say the fact that Oprah was in a closet stands for something else lol) So at the end on my dream she gets in my face and says if I don't let her eat I'm fired. I said if I let you eat that I'll be fired because you'll become a heffer. ( For the record I don't think I have ever said Heffer while being awake lol). She swung her arm to hit me and missed with her hand, but the saggy bat wing part of her upper arm smacked me hard across my face. I WENT DOWN!! I proceed to roll over and try to crawl away to regroup. Oprah jumps on my back and starts to ride me like a pony. STOP LAUGHING

I should say at this point in most of my dreams I look amazing. I am in great shape and have incredible muscle tone. tee hee

Due to my muscular body I managed to roll her tubby ass off of my and ran to the kitchen. She pursued in hast lol. I jumped off of the counter top weapon in hand tackling Oprah to the ground. I then used the weapon of choice which ended up being a 2 pound bad of baby carrots and started shoving them into her mouth... Then I woke up

I am slightly insane in my waking hours and this is only proof that I am a complete nut job in my sleep..