GROWTH

I yelled at my sisters the other day.. well it was like 3 weeks ago.. but so very out of character for me to be confrontational.. and to my sisters of all people..
My therapist Alison said it was growth... I hate confrontation.. I don't deal with my issues. she said I put everything in a little box and put it away as a defence and deal with things in when i can.. problem is somethings I never get to.. there is so much i haven't dealt with and ever since mama died I feel like Pandora's box has opened up!!
All the little boxes are open and I'm over whelmed by the pain of my entire life.. even the things that really don;t matter now are being brought to the surface and I'm starting to realize how I got where I am and why I am the person I am...
I have relied on my mother so much in my adulthood that I never really grew up.. And now I am being catapulted into adulthood without a net.. I know I am a strong person I am my mama... I can over come anything but its shocking to be in your safe place and then have it ripped away.. Its been 6 months and it feels like yesterday!

MAMA THOUGHT.. mom would say listen to Alison!!! Grow up and be the woman she raised me to be.. (however my mom would have used different words.. most of which would be swear words lol..)

I love you mom..

PS what do you think about Mindy??? I wish so much I had your opinion 0n that.. I keep thinking I hear you when I'm with her.. I feel like you like her for me even tho its a complicated situation!! But if you wanted to like tell me in a dream that would be good to lol!!

I love you mom! MUAH

Choose to be happy

I think in your worst moments it is up to you to choose to be happy.. I have always been the funny happy girl!
For the last little while I felt broken. like who i was did not exsist anymore.
But MAMA you are in me as much as or more than ever. I am becoming the person I was meant to be... Still and always the mama's girl.. but now the adult!
I think you are proud of me! I think you are so happy that I have held on to your strength and become more like you than I ever was...
Mama I met someone. It is early but we are going slow and I really think it could be something. She makes me want to be better... do better. for myself and her!
Mom I miss you every day.. I can't believe it has been 6 months.. I want you to know that your girls are hanging in there.. we are here for each other!.. I know you always loved that we were close but now more than ever our bond is the only think that keeps us whole.
I love you so much!! miss you like crazy.. and wish more than ever I could talk to you about the things going on in our lives.. Alison said I'm at a cross road.. I don't really know what that means but I know I what to tell you all about it. :)
you are and will forever be my heart, soul, and inspiration!
I love you Mama !