Two women

Almost everything I do in life revolves around two women. It usually goes back and forth between two pairs of women. My sisters Vs my mom and the women I am in love with. My sisters are here for me and love my but can at times be totally exhausting. The other two women are gone! My Mama who got ripped from the world without explanation or reason. My love who chose to leave and end a relationship seemingly over night. This is the balance of my life I either spend time with the ones who love me and want me around or I pine for the ones I can't have. Wallow in my heartbreak. In 17 weeks I have lost more than i ever thought I could handle. I feel so close to the edge all the time... Just when I felt like I could take a step back off the edge my love, the love of my life decides to end our relationship. Maybe this was a good decision maybe not but it sure was horrible timing!
I can't remember how to be a whole person altho I am getting better at putting on my mask and faking it. seem ok act ok they think your ok..
I when out to my mom's house yesterday I haven't been there since the week after she died.. I hated every minute of being there. This is much harder than I thought it would be..... And I see no end to the pain.
Its almost your Birthday mama.. time to spread some ashes. I love you

Clean Chonies!

So much has been happening! I moved lol sort of actually I got myself single again oops... So anyway I moved, I am right on the edge of finishing school and I'm house hunting. My work is starting inventory AKA hell week. We are pouring cement at both my sisters houses and with all of this craziness going on my biggest problem is CHONIES... I hate hate hate doing laundry and wait till the very last minute to do it.. lol However sometimes I cut it a little to close. I had to go commando for half a day lol. My Ex did all the laundry cause she was good at it and I apparently do it wrong :) so i got used to that and now I'm back doing my own cloths AAAAHHHH
Dear EX,
Please come back to me I'm a mess without you! I have no clean Chonies.. XOXOXO
HAHAHAHAHAHa I'm just playin.. But the Chonies story was all true!
Peace out peeps :)

MAMA thought: " How old are you?? Wash your own damn underwear!"
LOL love you mama miss you!

A good question

Okay so tonight I got asked a question I think as a joke but it sat with me for a while.. So.. If you had to describe yourself with a movie line or phrase what would it be...? Mine is from Gia..
"She was like love me love me love me ... and I did.. I did right away!" This might seem odd if you don't know me but it should make since if you do..
For those of you who do get it.... I love you too!

Beautifully Broken

I can smile and cry hysterically for the same reason.
I can change my mind in an instant.
I can love without limit and ask for nothing in return.
I can forgive without reason.
I work hard to make people happy.
I work hard at being happy myself. (That's getting harder to do lately)
I give my all to the people I love!

I want peace of mind.
I want to hear that I am loved.
I want to the clouds in my heart to go away.
I want to sleep next the one I love.
I want to see my mom. I want to talk to her. I want to know what happen. I miss her!

I want to be whole again. I want my sisters to be whole again.