Personal leave

It was suggested to me by my bosses that I should take some personal time to get my head right. At first I was pissed and insulted. Look people it wasn't my pet fish that died its my MOM!! The most important number one person in my life. She was my best friend and my one true confidante know body knew my like she did and I can never replace that relationship in my life! BUT then I thought about taking a whole month off. Get healthy concentrate on school, get my head right!! I really need to deal with the mama stuff. So I guess as it turns out my bosses were right. One of my bosses said something really smart to me. She said "You need to get use to your new life." Shes right it will never be the same.

Mama Though: Mama would think.... I think she would be glad that I am able to take this time. She would probably be stressing out about what it means that I need this kind of time.
Love you Mama promise to make you proud soon!

Oprah dream

So I just woke up and its kind of become a habit to lay still and try to remember my dream just in case any of it was about my mama! ( I love seeing mama in my dreams. It is amazingly comforting just to know her image is still in my Brain :) ). Anyway as I recalled my dream today I felt the urge to share it because I think I am insane.
In my dream I was Oprah's chef. Her last one got fired because she got fat again lol. It was my job to monitor what she ate and cook her meals. The bitch kept sneaking food and having it flown in from everywhere. I was running all over this huge house looking in closets only to find a BBQ sauce covered Oprah hiding under fur coats. ( My girlfriend would say the fact that Oprah was in a closet stands for something else lol) So at the end on my dream she gets in my face and says if I don't let her eat I'm fired. I said if I let you eat that I'll be fired because you'll become a heffer. ( For the record I don't think I have ever said Heffer while being awake lol). She swung her arm to hit me and missed with her hand, but the saggy bat wing part of her upper arm smacked me hard across my face. I WENT DOWN!! I proceed to roll over and try to crawl away to regroup. Oprah jumps on my back and starts to ride me like a pony. STOP LAUGHING

I should say at this point in most of my dreams I look amazing. I am in great shape and have incredible muscle tone. tee hee

Due to my muscular body I managed to roll her tubby ass off of my and ran to the kitchen. She pursued in hast lol. I jumped off of the counter top weapon in hand tackling Oprah to the ground. I then used the weapon of choice which ended up being a 2 pound bad of baby carrots and started shoving them into her mouth... Then I woke up

I am slightly insane in my waking hours and this is only proof that I am a complete nut job in my sleep..

Blog virginity lol

So my therapist said I should journal because I am not dealing with my mom's death. Well I hate to write on anything that doesn't have spell check ;)I am a horrible speller. Oops I didn't check if this has spell check... whew it does! good hee hee

So I don't really know where to start. Part of me is just waiting for greys anatomy to get about 20 minutes in so I can watch commercial free on my DVR. I LOVE DVR!! 5 days ago I accidentally erased everything on our DVR. My bad hee hee. My girlfriend was so thrilled.. not! I erased a weeks worth of Days of our lives (you'd think it was the end of the world lol). Just playin she wasn't all that mad.

I guess I could introduce myself. I am Jessica a 28 yo Lesbian in Utah. I have been a mama's girl my whole life. On Nov 2ND my 51 yo Mom pasted away unexpectedly and still without cause! Everyone around me stood back and waited for my to crumble and fall apart. Which I did in small pieces for short amounts of time and mostly with my girlfriend. I guess everyone expected me to be worse off (myself included). Now it is 11 weeks later and it is just starting to sink in and denial is fading. I am still okay tho.

I plan to end most of my blogs with a mama thought. I think it makes sense because I always wonder what she'd be saying about the things I do and say.

MAMA THOUGHT: mama would like this and she would have giggled at the spelling thing. Love you mama