strange things... volume 2

There is a balloon in my room from my birthday still floating.. My birthday was 2 weeks ago.. I don't remember a balloon ever floating this long before... There are cloths all over my floor. OK that's not strange its actually pretty typical.. In my closet is a bag from Valley View mortuary. It has my moms ashes in it.. or I guess what is left of her ashes.. The rest of them are in necklaces that me and my sisters wear and a bracelet my step dad wears.. and there are some that were spread by him somewhere.. he didn't want to wait for us so he took her ashes and went somewhere and spread some of them..
Its strange to not know where your mother is.. I know she is not the ashes but she was the ashes and I don't know where some of her is... that is strange.. I have pictures of her everywhere.. pictures she would hate.. some from before the bypass.. she hates those ones.. But its my mama.. there is one from X mas morning she has makeup around her eyes. it is clear she just woke up. I am kissing her cheek after opening a present.. I don't think people know how much I think of her.. I try not to bring it up so it doesn't bring people down.. that in its self is so strange because she is the greatest influence in my life! for almost 28 years I did things for her approval and pride.. I cant believe shes gone.


MAMA.. I want you to know that all that depression suicide bull shit I use to think about died with you.. I feel your strength.. I feel a great need to live your legacy! You are my heart and soul I love you!! I will make you proud with my life I promise!
Your daughter, Jessica