Two women

Almost everything I do in life revolves around two women. It usually goes back and forth between two pairs of women. My sisters Vs my mom and the women I am in love with. My sisters are here for me and love my but can at times be totally exhausting. The other two women are gone! My Mama who got ripped from the world without explanation or reason. My love who chose to leave and end a relationship seemingly over night. This is the balance of my life I either spend time with the ones who love me and want me around or I pine for the ones I can't have. Wallow in my heartbreak. In 17 weeks I have lost more than i ever thought I could handle. I feel so close to the edge all the time... Just when I felt like I could take a step back off the edge my love, the love of my life decides to end our relationship. Maybe this was a good decision maybe not but it sure was horrible timing!
I can't remember how to be a whole person altho I am getting better at putting on my mask and faking it. seem ok act ok they think your ok..
I when out to my mom's house yesterday I haven't been there since the week after she died.. I hated every minute of being there. This is much harder than I thought it would be..... And I see no end to the pain.
Its almost your Birthday mama.. time to spread some ashes. I love you